The captain decided to make an emergency landing" and switched on the seat belt sign'

The vibration stopped immediately'

A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside'

They don~t sell tickets" they sell chances'

All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out'

Before the flight" the passengers get together and elect a pilot'

If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding" it kisses you back'

You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change'

Before you took off" the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro'

The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas'

When they pull the steps away" the plane starts rocking'

The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway'

You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez" ,Just once',

No movie' Don~t need one'

Your life keeps flashing before your eyes'

You see a man with a gun" but he~s demanding to be let off the plane'

All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel'

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day~s route" he noticed the new stewardess was missing' He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her' She answered the phone" sobbing" and said she couldn~t get out of her room'

,You can~t get out of your room@, the captain asked" ,Why not@,

The stewardess replied" ,There are only three doors in here" ,she cried", one is the bathroom" one is the closet" and one has a sign on it that says ~Do Not Disturb~`,